PWW - Misfortune & Fortune | [Panic & Wasted Wishes] D³ - Falsehood & Truths [Dangerous Delusions, Dummy]
GGB - Death & Life [Go Get Begone]
September 3, 2014
Is my writing supposed to be painful, too? I'm sorry that I only have my writing left of my tints of just my own, that doesn't want nor needs to bend to anyone else's. Until never, I will not lose trust and faith in what I write as it fights and lingers on to keep me unendingly aware that I'll always be alright. And that's why I say that my writing doesn't yearn to be deceitful, when they're my most intimately tuned feelings, cognitive mentality and reality that just wants to be expressed and be known despite the fears that they hold.
Never said without truth, I've never been and will never be sorry that writing has become an everyday instead of every other day, sometimes piercing or smooth dose of who I am. Without it, I wouldn't know if I would be able to find myself again where I left my memories stranded. With the time that's passed and is still passing, I don't mind that I will always be led back to myself in the moments when I put a pen to paper or visit my words of the past and hopes for my tomorrows. I also know that I write because I'm aware that my hands are more true and dependable than my spoken words. Just like a "Replicated Refrain", the words in my writing will never desire deceit, despite the fears they and I only wanted to hide before. And now I am holding onto my writing and everything else that comes along, above all of the hurt and ache that can come along too.
Tuning in with the former idea of aches, I saw and felt it when I finally realized that I completely stopped writing because I didn't want to accept the fact that I stopped living as me. Since I wasn't myself anymore, my words never could arrive if there was nothing worth of my writing in the first place. The only justice I gave to myself was not letting my honest words be tarnished all because of how I internally gave up, strangled the future I only wanted to fight for and shriveled into a galaxy that lacked everything that mattered. As blunt as a knife, I let myself forget and allowed myself to lose all of my healthy life filled shades and hues within the woman I truly never stopped loving, in the day I decided to carelessly set her aside anyway. I searched and strived to be someone else, who didn't feel depression or loneliness and refused to accept the fact that that was my truth. As I easily cowered in the most selfish escapade I have ever lived through, in which I lived in as the woman that I was never meant to be, I realized only after I started to accept the repercussions of living without genuine tact and self respect, that life is only worthless if they are someone else's. That is exactly what I pursued and the reason why I let myself carry the facade of an untruthful life that lacked the roots that fortified my beliefs in who I still really am, wanted to be and will only be from now on.
At this moment, after turning around and recollecting my broken pieces, smiles and treasuring my recollections and walking wisely whole once more, I've let my silently screaming and naively neglected bubbly bravery meet me once more. Now I say that my writing is here to stay and will never leave my world, because I've accepted that I'll never want nor need to numb anything in my breaths taken anymore. With that, I'll never forget that my writing will keep me living and that it's far more than okay that yes, my writing is "supposed to be painful, too".
PWW - Misfortune & Fortune | [Perseverance & Waiting Wholeheartedly] D³ - Falsehood & Truths [Dig Deeper, Darling] GGB - Death & Life [Gorgeously Growing Brighter]
No comments:
Post a Comment