An Ordinary Day

The person I used to be changed, and using my neuroscience knowledge I started thinking I was experiencing something special in a scary way.  My personality made me feel depressed and angry for no reason when all I did was experience things that should make me happy.  The twitches in my back, arms, fingers and eye lids I would involuntarily feel and do then started to increase everyday and up till now still continue.  My memory was degrading, especially by forgetting past events and facts perfectly and always forgetting simple words and key terms, which I loathe.  As I spend more time taking my Avonex medicine, I refuse to admit defeat and I will thrive in the future.  

Then I would experience different pain in random parts of my body as if I was hurt by something, when I knew nothing had physically hurt me.  Now I frequently feel like needles and pins are piercing me, especially in my limbs.  When I would feel it in my toes I wouldn't try walking because it was just too  intense but if I was already driving I would of course just man up and keep driving for I can't always stop and be late to class and appointments all the time.  The ensuing fatigue is what effects me the most and keeps me from being able to work as much as I could. When I try to pull an all nighter, I get scared of the woman I become as the hours of lack of sleep make me insanely mean and make me cry afterwards because I start thinking that I bluntly hurt people's feelings and am reminded that I have an incurable disease.  There was also the day I was reading my Multiple Sclerosis (MS) book and there was the mention of how to treat my "disability". That fact hit me hard. It finally made me realize that I'm not just simply sick, but at least I don't have a time frame on my length of living.   I cried for hours, but what else can I do but accept the truth? But the fatigue does nothing else but makes me pity myself for being so weak and unable to live life at its fullest.  Marathons of studying too have been extremely difficult because I am always tired.  I'm not even exaggerating it, for even after 8+ hours of sleep I will wake up and yawn still throughout the entire day. Such is my life now, nobody knows it but me.

I then got my first computed tomography (CAT/CT) scan and my neurologist said I had demyelination in my neurons and I had many of these patches. During my first doctors appointment for my inquiry of my thoughts of having an issue with my brain, I asked for an MRI scan but it was only after my CT scan that my doctor had me undergo it out of necessity.  Afterwards, my results finally confirmed that I had MS.  I will never forget the day I got that call that added on more tears and sorrow. Never. Soon, both my Doctor and Neurologist had me undergo 26 blood tests so far, another MRI scan to test my spinal cord and a painful lumbar puncture/spinal tap test to see if I had patches there too and I do.  Some of my results were fine, but I definitely am not completely healthy.  I'm starting my fourth month of taking my Avonex medicine this Friday.  I was so nervous and scared when I was beginning my weekly injections, but now I'm at ease as if I'm just brushing my teeth.  Life is hard now, but trust me I will get my Neuroscience Ph.D.  and find myself not a slowing prescription, but a cure for myself.  A cure.