Scent-full & Mark-full

I was going to rush to my car twice on Sunday afternoon & night of this week, but then I started walking at a slower pace in both of those times, beause I could smell scents I've only smelled in the Philippines from before I moved to the United States and again during the trips when I went back home.  I do sometimes get a serious waft of those scents when I miss the Philippines and my family there or if not just have it in my mind telling me that I should come back. 

One late night when I was alone in my family's living room in the darkness of the night & sitting on the floor, I was just thinking about my grandmother who I couldn't go back home to say goodbye to.  I couldn't help but verbally say that I was sorry and I hope she'll feel how much I wish I could've been there. 

Then I suddenly and drastically could smell the Philippine air and felt warmth permeate thru the empty perimeter. I wouldn't know where the senses could be activated from because there weren't any open windows or doors. Afterwards, all at once after that, everything just went away after a lingering minute. Then I knew that my grandmother knew that the first thing I wanted to do when I would be back in the Philippines after the long 8 years I hadn't been back again, was to visit her grave to finally say "goodbye and rest in peace, Lola(...).  I'll continuously love you more." 

With those moments of unexpected surprises, I only had been scared once in all.  As with that first, I began starting to pray to my grandmother and god, so as that I would be given a sign of what to believe in. I did get that sign so rashly and vividly, and I'm glad it was and became more than I'd have expected.  

It was when my mother called me at  maybe 3am as I was currently studying, crying and asking me for help because she got into an accident, was okay but she has lost control and spun out of the freeway.  She did not hit any incoming cars and I endlessly panicked and instinct told me to call 911 for the first time in my life.  What highway entrance did my mom miraculously run her tires to? She was right at the border safe from exiting cars of the exit that would now be decorated with my mom's tire marks. 

I stay graciously thankful  to God, because it was quite paradoxically memorable that the exit my mom landed into, ...was, would and is, also just the same one that would be shaping, reshaping, defining and redefining my own future directions too; the University of California at Berkeley's University Avenue exit.  To this day and in relentless acquiescence today and for tomorrow's, it's stayed kind and kind enough to reintroduce itself as my newer University Avenue entrance instead. 

What's more, after I found my mommy and I knew she was calm and she was safe and back home, I believed in life again. Even the fact or just bare, naked opinion that seldom yearns to share spite, that I was actually still being "blessed" is still marked. In Flickers, Tattoos or Tire Marks, I'll know that I won't always need to be reminded that my writing shall do more than just suffice for myself and my even more relentless and verbosely annoying dreams that fall and rise under and above the speed of light.}

Now, all I can feel is happy that home will always be where I was born too, despite even the need to convert time frequencies in neurological spectrums either as well.  But may I ask a question? What travels faster anyway - the speed of light or the speed of sound, or the speed of time or the speed of believing and entrusting in making a damn fundamental choice in the start?  I kind of like going at the cyclical mindfulness of thought(s) by starting at the end instead, 'cause all of that excessive verbal jousting just sounds like .. Oh I don't know; love. 

|| Calamba, Philippines | 6:02PM, August 21st 1990 | A rainy day before my father's birthday ||